Well… There is you, in your truest sense. What is in your heart AND, your connection to source/the divine/your creator/God. Call that what you will. The Divine Creative Principal that animates all of life. Supremely loving, indescribably powerful, constant and magnificent.
I promise you that in those moments that everything you thought you were is gone… exposed, to your very core, you are able to have an experience of God, a moment more intimate than words could ever describe. A moment where none of the details of your life could possibly matter, a moment where by coming to know yourself in the nothingness, AS nothingness, you come to know God and you feel Known BY God. You feel more known and more seen than you have ever imagined was possible. Any previous beliefs about the existence of such a force are dissolved, instantly. God is real, God is here with me. God sees me, feels me, knows me, in every sense, in every conceivable way. I could not – and have never been alone. I cannot – and will not ever be alone. My Creator and I are ONE. I am ONE with my Creator. The barriers to this knowing are gone, they have been removed. Never to return…
I had to die before I would experience this for the first time. Stripped of my body and my life and everything I thought that I was. Reduced in the most exquisite way to nothing, beyond nothing… I found myself. I found my truth. I found THE truth…
That I am nothing more than Love, manifesting itself as me. There is nothing I would ever have to do in order to be worthy of that love, I simply AM it. I was created by It. In the name of It. In the likeness of It. I AM LOVE. Every single other thing we think we know about ourselves is simply a construct separating us from this one immutable truth. We are love.
There are many pathways through which we can come to this realisation and then there are infinite levels in which we can embody this knowing. You don’t have to die or be gravely injured or lose a loved one or lose everything to get to experience this, although that’s the way it happened for me.
… and I can tell you something else; I would not exchange one single moment of the unending agony, having my body crushed into too many pieces to be able to salvage all of me, weeks in a coma on life support, months flat on my back unable to move (or scratch my own ass, as my sister likes to remind me), 7 reconstructive surgeries or the ten years of being disabled that followed, for the indescribable gift I have had the profound honour of experiencing each and every moment of my life since that time;
The knowing that I AM LOVE. That I AM God, the knowing that I AM responsible for every single thing that happens to me, the knowing that I AM free to make whatever meaning I choose out of this experience of life…
The knowing that the small stuff don’t matter, the knowing that I AM Un-Fuck-Withable.
The knowing that even in death you are more alive than you ever ever ever dared to imagine and that therefore there is nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing to fear of this life.
The knowing that joy and love and connection are the fabric of our souls and that a life lived in service to these things is a life lived to its highest potential.
The knowing that the ability for me to experience the most fantastic states of bliss and love are often created in the furnaces of pain and heartbreak and so there is nothing to fear of my emotions… Even the yucky ones are sent as my teachers, for my highest benefit if I would just not skip the class!
The knowing that we are not our bodies but that we
abso-fucking-lutely reside in our bodies and therefore our bodies are worthy of our deepest gratitude, love and reverence for housing our miraculous ‘love-ness’, no matter what you think they look like! They are made of love and programmed by us and our thoughts about them. We program our own bodies!!!! No one else. We make that shit work, or break… or heal!
And so… utterly broken up, seemingly beyond repair…. I decided. I de-cid-ed that not only was I going to live! I was going to live the life of my dreams, in a beautiful, healthy, strong and functional body! And so I set about creating that outcome in my physical body. It took many years of incredible dedication to my rehabilitation, dedication to my self care, dedication to my heart, dedication to my mind but I created a new body from the miracle inside my heart. The miracle of knowing that none of this stuff is real anyway… so I may as well make it as fucking incredible as I dare to imagine and way the fuck beyond that even! … and then praying every day for God to lift my vision for my life in service to the Divine, higher than I could ever have dreamed up on my own.
Biggest Love Baby.